Day Two – “Tell her”
Banker calls me up: “How would you describe yourself… my mate wants me to vouch for you before she can put you on the guest list. Shall I say…. ‘tall, dark and handsome?’..”
Banker has happened upon a private party for us tonight. A hair dressers annual party. I envisage a plush place; Venue coloured white and model girls walking around in stilletoes. I imagine having difficult conversations about the latest styles and fashions. I’m not a man in the know.
First realisation of diminished dream is seedy soho location. Second is lack of security integral to any hot upscale party. “Are you on the guest list” Big Black door man asks politey. “yes” is my short response and access is so simply granted. No double checking my credentials and no hottie with a list.
I make friendly with the doorman and question the quality of women inside. He answers raising his hand with a gesture utilised by chefs when approving of a fine dish. Upon entry I am met with a mixed bag of quality, ranging from cute Camden types to older milfs to a tall red haired, whorishly dressed woman who is a man. Perfect.
Banker is running very late. I have over an hour of ME time. The place was initially packed. I made an error and grabbed a coke & lime from the bar first before approaching girls. This is not best way to start a night. I salvage poor start and ask short woman next to me what the party is all about. She doesn’t know. No matter – my socialising has begun.
I bounce around the club for a while. It’s a small venue with lots of grouped people. My conversations aren’t mind blowing. Simple hellos and follow with a story about how I’m on my own. One late 30-odd motherly type introduces me to her equally old friend and their daughters. How kind. I engage them all for a bit and then I bounce around some more.
After a while I start to feel creepy-like, being on my own. Self inflicted thoughts since no one would have known or if so cared. I go outside, make friendly with bouncer some more and light up a cig.
Banker is still a fair distance away. “You’ve got me in the middle of gay town” I complain down the phone.
I spot a crowd of people and stand with them for a while watching some Indian movie being shot. Interesting to see it all being done live. A small sequence of the (apparently) superstar Indian actors walking down an alley way was taking hours to shoot. Fans kept using flash photography and the annoyed film crew had no real power to stop them. I loitered around waiting for Banker.
During this time I was offered cocaine once and a couple opportunities to view, but sadly not touch, naked ladies.
I head back inside and sat on a couch, slouched with arms spread, dominating the couch on my lonesome. I couldn’t be bothered to feign high energy joy. After all why should I.. that’s not being natural!
Motherly woman from earlier engages me and asks me to join her group. I decline fearing elderly seduction and watch the MC on the stage who just started singing a cover of NERD – Everybody Nose, except he was rapping the lyric “all the indie kids standing in the line for the bathroom”. I laugh at the sight of some indie kids on the dance floor cowering in the corner with hands over their ears. I love it.
Banker is still no where near.
I exit the club and venture to OnAnon (spelling may vary). It’s quiet with only one floor open. I utilise their toilet facility and have a swift look around. Nothing takes my fancy. I exit and head back to seedy soho. Banker calls – he has finally arrived.
The bar is now empty so we make the most of the dancefloor. We are pretty much the only ones there. For lack of a better phrase we LORD the dancefloor. We are the main attraction. Lots of proximity is our reward for our being cool ……… but we don’t get involved. Chodish!
One girl with short blonde hair, a hello kitty stick-on tattoo sexily place under one of her big blue eyes and a funky yellow alice in wonder land type dress dances around us. We ignore her and enjoy the music supplied by the grandfather of hip pop in UK, Mr. Westwood.
Back at the bar alice in wonderland chick magically appears next to us. Peripherally I catch her glancing at us as Banker and I chat crap. I chode out and don’t open. The MC from earlier is behind me so I engage in conversation. I turn back to find Banker talking to alice. Good for him since I choded before. Before she leaves the bar I introduce myself and as she walks away I irresponsibly say “she’s cute.. she can suck my dick any day of the week”.
“Tell her” demands Banker.
It takes me a second to grasp the situation. “what?” … “Tell her!” He laughs at me. Fuck!
Over the next 30 days we have agreed to play a game of ‘Tell her’. Quite simply, if one of us comments on a girl and the other states “tell her”. The comment must be promptly reiterated in full to the girl in subject. Fuck.
I almost stumble across the floor as I assess the damage potential. It’s ok. I’ll do it. I have to.
Banker makes a judgment that it’s best to be executed just before we exit the venue for the night, in anticipation of a disaster. “No it’s ok.. I’ll do it”. Weirdly I am calm. We’ve done worst before. The girl is coming back my way – might as well get it over with. I call her over…
“Hey .. I just wanted to say” I pause. I look her in the face with one hand on her shoulder pulling her in. “You can suck my dick any day of the week”.
Her expression was one of uncertain shock. I note her assessing my face for reaction. I am steady and stare into her eyes.
“Do you lick pussy?” Her response.
Now I am shocked – but excited. I can’t believe it – no slap reaction!? I look at Banker, he has equally shock face expression.
I decline with a disgust look and we banter on the etiquette of a real man. A real man licks pussy in her opinion. I state refusal to do so on the first date.
The banter doesn’t last long and Alice chick leaves seemingly annoyed because I refused to lick pussy and also at some point she makes mention of her boyfriend which I disregard. Though there was a moment in the interaction that I felt like she would have kissed me. It never happened – no point dwelling.
‘Tell her’ is an awesome game!
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