About Me
A little background…
I used to fully consider myself as an average person. In fact it was my philosophy that we each had our own predetermined place in life. Some people were born high fliers, others low achievers and me, a run of the mill average guy who did ok but never stepped above or below a certain standard of living. I’m sure a number of factors in my upbringing led me to live this way and I’m not fully aware yet what they are (no doubt: parents, family, school life, standard of upbringing) but only that my perspective changed some three years ago and now I battle against my old perceptions to change who I am, how I think and to eventually achieve everything I can be.
Anyone who knows me well will say I can lack self belief. This is true and this is what I look to change. Looking back on what I have done with my life and my experiences I can’t deny the progress I have made and the awesome life I have lived. I have visited a number of countries – been on safari twice (Tanzania and Kenya), seen the pyramids of Egypt and partied on the coast of Mexico. Most recently I travelled a month around China - a trip I took simply because I’d never been to Asia before. Socially, I’ve had a few great long term relationships and my social circles often include focused and fun people.
I’m a fortunate individual – but I don’t always fully appreciate my experiences and the joy I’ve had. As some people will say… I’m too hard on myself.
One aspect of my life which I’ve devoted much energy to is my social-ability. Up until three or four years ago I was a fairly reserved character. Not unsociable but timid. I was not confident enough in my self-worth to freely express myself around others. I likened myself to being the guy who entered a room full of people and would stand at the back. Slowly, I’d meet a few people and make friends but I would get shy around girls and stronger characters. My lowest point I remember was on an occasion where I met up with a group of friends from university at one of their flats in London. There was only one girl in the room and this was enough to throw me into a self conscious state. I couldn’t even look at her. I have no idea who she was or what she looked like. For me, this is the worst I’ve ever been; Stifled and every move I made was wrought with nervousness. It doesn’t even make sense why – the fear of nothing?
One night I was really frustrated with living like this- trapped by my lack of self worth and insecurities. On the phone to a friend I broke down in near tears, feeling that there must be a better way of living than this. I must be capable of more – internally I gained a feeling that there was untapped potential.
Early 2006 I came across David D’s ‘Double Your Dating’. I had a girlfriend at the time but internally unstable still – feeling clueless when it came to women. Experimenting with ‘cocky-funny’ didn’t go well for me. I was overly sarcastic and insulting. In June/July 2006 after I discovered ‘The Game’ I partook in the Style Life Challenge. For me this was the beginning of real change. I never bought into any of the PUA routines (far too lazy to learn scripts) but the act of going out and expanding on my comfort zone and social experiences set me on a new path.
Now three years later I’ve come a long way but equally feel I have a long way to go – though my horizons have expanded beyond just gaming and now include general living and business. In my opinion my progress with game has been slow due to dating one girl for a year at the end of my uni time but also as I find it difficult to push past my feeling of fear and limiting beliefs – which breeds the laziness and procrastination in me.
My aim now is still as ever to be all that I can be, to break past my wishy-washy focus and achieve my goals in life. To be a better man and learn to appreciate life as it is. As I write this I doubt myself even now but at least now I’m aware that the opportunity to be great is there.
Through this blog I aim to bring more focus and direction to my life. Also, I’d like for others, with similar struggles to me, to see that changes to oneself can be made and success can be had by anyone in game or any aspect of life.
AЖ
Ps. Serious gratitude and thanks to all the people who continue to help me along the way and push me through the tough times. Especially, Vman, Banker, Rich, KicksC and Krystina for your undying belief in me. I know some great people.
10/06/09
