Lazy Smart Robot

Monday 11th August 2008

21st Challenge: Off on your own. Today had no rules. We were to return to whatever seduction method we preferred and move forward in our own way.

First off I never had a preferred seduction method before doing the challenge so I was a bit confused as to what I should be doing today and for how long. Just said hey to a few girls during my lunch break at work.

I felt like I was drifting without purpose. No direction. I’ve covered a lot this month… emotions, experiences, shattering personal beliefs and comfort zones. But today I feel like I had nothing or rather I didn’t know what to do.

I guess part of this feeling rested on thinking yesterday was a failure. On top of this is that while I can kinda DO.. I don’t know what to do.

A bit of an anti-climax to the whole 21 days.

One thing that bothers me is that doing a challenge is fine but it’s clear I’m not taking responsibility for myself. I can do what I’m told, when given direction but left to my own wit and will, I feel lost.

I’ll keep working on it. Watch this space.

Ever positive! :)

Sunday 10th August 2008

20th Challenge: Today’s challenge is simple – Go through every exercise from the beginning and repeat the cycle three times. Yes, simple.

I’m feeling demoralised after yesterdays poor performance but I hit the streets nonetheless and went for the challenge.

Summary of the day:

I can definitely ask anyone for the time and directions. No issues.

I stumbled a little on compliments but it went smoothly after the first couple of approaches.

Asking for coffee dates was now a simple task. Part of me didn’t care what their response would be – Not sure that’s the best way to view asking a girl for a date!

I had an instantaneous coffee date with a blonde daddies girl. Expresssed interest but non back. Sad times.

On my next instantaneous coffee date with an Australian chick I didn’t express interest. The tasks were slipping. Third time round I skipped doing the instant coffee part as it was getting late.

Overall I felt a deep sense that the whole challenge was falling apart right as I neared the end! Not good.

Saturday 9th August 2008

19th Challenge: This is refered to as the ‘fuck or slap’ day. Spend 8hrs approaching women with one line “I think you’re attractive would you like to sleep with me?” If they say no, follow up with “maybe later?”

I knew this day was coming and I had high hopes for going all out and making the most of it; getting 100s of approaches under my belt. BUT one thing was against me… the great English weather!  I spent all day trudging around London in the pouring rain. Grey, shit, miserable weather.

Starting off in High Street Kensington I managed to trek all the way to Tower Bridge and back yet only completed 10 approaches. Yes 10! For the whole day!

Bad weather resulted in a lack of girls and I wasn’t up for making headline news by attempting this challenge in a department store. Another hindrance was umbrellas – I couldn’t see what the girls looked like or even how old they were.

Massively annoyed. The rules of the challenge state that if a task is missed you have to start again from the beginning. While technically I didn’t miss the task I feel it was incomplete. Very incomplete. The past 19 days have been exhausting and right now I’m not willing nor have I the time to commit another 21 days to the cause. Sadly.

A summary of the day:

10 approaches. Lots of rain. Purchased an umbrella to shelter myself from the rain. Also had to buy new socks as I got completely soaked.

Of the 10 approaches I got: one “maybe”, two incomplete openers where girls walked off before I finished what I was saying and surprisingly only one annoyed woman.

Me: Hey, I think you’re really attractive… would you like to sleep with me?

Girl: What!? … NO!

Me: Maybe later?

Girl: You’re starting to annoy me now.

See.

The rest were cool or just laughed before declining.

Despite being a disappointing day due to the weather, lack of approaches and miles of walking in the wet – it was interesting to find that most girls were cool with my approach. I’m not sure what I thought would happen but definitely expected more negative aggressive responses!

Friday 8th August 2008

18th Challenge: Today approach girls, state your sexual interest and ask them out for a drink. “hi, I think you are attractive, would you like to go for a coffee”. If you can make the date today then do so. Keep going till you get a yes or you’ve approached 60. Alternative: approach min 30.

This challenge was a lot harder than I previously imagined. After all, in my opinion there’s not much difference between stating interest before asking them out and implying interest like on day 15 by simply asking them out.

Made moves toward LSQ. This has now become a standard place to run these challenges – there are lots of people and lots of other areas with lots of people in easy reach.

Yet, I managed to do a full circle of Leicester square and a further walk down Piccadilly Circus and back to LSQ before I made my first approach. There were a fair few single girls but somehow fear had gripped me.

I ran over the standard suggested line in my head over and over:

“hi I think you are attractive, would you like to go for a coffee?”

At one point images of violent reactions from girls entered my thoughts- It’s a good thing they had us work on our feeling of fear and excitement. I created my own pleasant images to associated with my current emotional state.

I decided as soon as I hit LSQ again I’d approach the first singleton I’d see. Let two more walk by… WTF!?

OK, I’d better approach one before I cross the square again or it’s all over! I knew after I did one approach I could build momentum and slowly slowly I’d get to 30.

Approached a woman heading in the opposite direction. She kept walking and I was having to talk whilst following her. She smiled but declined.

Next, a cute Italian leaflet distributor; her English was poor and she didn’t understand me. So I gesticulated how I found her attractive and asked would she like to go for coffee. She understood now and declined.

Third girl I approached was from the Netherlands and only here for the weekend – didn’t have facebook either as they used something else over there. She was happy and surprised by my proposal but given logistics it couldn’t work.

I walked a fair distance before I approached another girl. She also declined.

Now I was in Covent Garden. Many girls were in groups or couples. I found it near impossible to approach them. They would be a last resort.

I walked around Covent Garden square a couple of times. Admit-tingly there were a few girls I let walk by but some I didn’t find attractive so that was fine.

I headed back around the square toward the station. I saw a cute petite dark haired girl walking with her head down looking at her phone. I let her walk by as I continued around the square for my second time. I stopped myself. I had to approach her – even if she looked glum and previous challenges has proven that glum girls always rejected me and always rejected me in that a glum faced manner.

She was heading up toward Covent Garden station. I doubled back on myself and walked up to the station with a plan to overtake her then loop around. I find it easier to approach from the front.

I stopped her and said the line. She was French and didn’t understand but luckily, I know a little French – so, again, with some gesticulation I expressed how I found her attractive and asked if she would like to go for a coffee sometime.

She laughed and agreed. YES!? I was shocked!

I went to get her number but alas once again she was only in UK for the weekend – that phone she was holding she borrowed from her friend. So I settled for having the date there and then. Insta-times.

It was an interesting time with the difficult communication. Her English was poor and my French was doubly crap.

We sat for coffee then later walked till we reached Trafalgar sq where we sat for ages talking in our difficult way. Gestures and over the top expressions were in play. We spent about two hours together yet I struggled with escalating the situation.

I felt hindered as the past days of the challenge with simple one liner tasks had left me devoid of social understanding. I wanted to kiss her but didn’t know how to make it happen! Still lacked the skill. Sucks… She was really cute!  On the plus side she wanted to meet me again tomorrow however I have a big day of challenge in store.

Part of me felt I should have quit the insta-date and done more approaches but I spent most of the evening with her and had to rush home after. Mixed emotions as I feel I should have done more yet I was surprised that I got a date after only 5 approaches. OK, I should acknowledge my achievement more – it was awesome!

Late night thoughts:

I can’t sleep. My mind is trying to digest the past 20 days. It’s kinda sad the challenge has come to an end. Part of me feels I didn’t do enough, another part of me has realises how little I acknowledge my own accomplishments. There’s always more that can be done but lets see how far I’ve come.

I’ve come to realise how much the negative feeling I attach to approaching women and interacting with girls in general – spills over to all areas of my life. It creates a bubble around me. A shelter and shield.

My exterior isn’t totally a façade but at the same time it isn’t fully me. I’m far more comfortable with myself now and there are still a few things I will have to tweak and adjust since I’ve not really been having many real social interactions over the past month in this challenge – it’s all been me acting through someone else’s directions.

But now I’m in a much better position to start experimenting with how I want to be and what works well for me when it comes to seduction and attracting women.  Over time I will like to build more ease and confidence around all girls. I don’t feel I have fully achieved my initial goal as I was at loss for conversation when I sat with one hot girl in a coffee shop BUT hey before today I never would have approached her!

Big lesson – let go of the negative and move forwards. I thought I was a really positive person. This programme has shown me areas in my life where I have been hiding behind a positive façade. I am a happy person in general but then I jump into a happy shell when threatened and rather than face up to the need for improvement I just say that all is well. Kinda deluded.

I feel I have been moving towards being more open and emotional of late and this programme has help speed up the progress. Other areas that have surfaced are how I perceive myself in a bad light. In my minds eye I’m often seen as freakish loser that girls will turn their nose up at. It’s just not the case and no experience I’ve ever had has ever shown this – I don’t know where it comes from! But further more why should I care what girls think of me?

I am me.

This is something else to work towards. Acceptance of self. Here’s to the future…

Thursday 7th August 2008

17th Challenge: Another coffee date. Same as yesterday but this time you have to make it clear that you find her attractive. Declare sexual intent.

This is a long and emotional post!

I’ll start by describing the end of the day which did not involve the challenge but rather is a personal reflection of where I am now at with the whole confidence thing.

After-Thoughts:

After completing today’s challenge I joined my work mates on a night out. I was in good spirits having completed today’s task. We journeyed from a pub to a bar where I found myself sticking close to my group and not interacting much with outsiders. I knew I could if I wanted to but I felt I was happy not doing so and just enjoying the company of my friends.

I was standing with two friends who I would class as ‘naturals’ with women. I’ve never seen them approach girls – as girls tended to approach them. A girl approached the three of us. Apparently one of her friends was interested in one of us. Me!

The three of us bantered with the girl who approached our group and left it at that. Honestly I wasn’t sure how to handle the situation. Personally, I didn’t find the girl who fancied me overly attractive and so wasn’t inclined to go over and talk to her – though part of me wanted to. My mind was torn between thoughts of fear of what my peers would think and general feeling of not really liking her. I didn’t want to give in to the ego boost of receiving such attention.

We later moved to a club and again I was happy just dancing and hanging with my friends. One of the two alphas had girls approaching him constantly on the dance floor. The girls would just linger around us and then at the first chance they would leap forward to talk to him. I looked upon this in awe and hoped one day I would be in such a position.

Another work colleague of mine who knows of my involvement in game and this demonic confidence challenge made comment several times that he ‘knew’ that I was jealous of the alpha guy and how girls kept approaching him. Personally, I wasn’t thinking about it this way.

I later pulled him aside at the end of the night and asked why he kept making those comments. I didn’t really care but agreed that I did admire that alpha guy’s trait. Then, he suggested I approach some girls. I declined. I wasn’t feeling up to it. All of a sudden fear set in. I was no longer NOT caring.

My confidence in self had vanished!

Later, I reluctantly agreed to do some approaches. I couldn’t talk. Fear had gripped me. He approached a two set. I stood to the side for a while then went in to wing and speak to the other girl. I was too self conscious and lacking enjoyment. The girl walked away. My colleague approached another girl and I found myself standing alone.

A cute girl walked passed. I called her over but again lacked self enjoyment, which resulted in lame forced speech. I wasn’t having fun. I turned away from the girl after the conversation died and stood for a while thinking ..WTF .. after all this, 17 days of confidence building I have nothing to show for it!

Dejected, I left the club and sat on my own thinking for a while. A totally poor end to the night. Complete blow out of confidence. I was angry- having put so much effort into all this and feeling like I achieved nothing. Was I destined to a life of low confidence and dating mediocre girls? Not good.

I’m not a quitter though and I have decided to complete this challenge despite this occurrence; I will carry on.

The Challenge:

As for today’s task. I split from work and headed into central London. I knew of a coffee place located in a fashion shop. There was bound to be tons of girls and indeed there was. However, there weren’t so many in the coffee shop area.

Regardless, I bought an iced coffee and found myself sitting alone with a single girl on either side. Nervous nerves were strong and public fear in play. One of the girls got up and left. Not to be defeated I quickly asked the other girl if I could join her for a bit. She was just getting up to leave and declined. Bugger!

Then a ray of sunshine as another girl walked past with some food and headed for the table next to me – I grabbed this opportunity and asked to join her. She gave me a weird suspecting look given my spontaneous request– I didn’t react.

She agreed and sat a fair distance from me. I made some small talk. Managed to throw in there that I thought she was sexy but jokingly disqualified her for not being rich. We talked some more and I later said she was sexy again. She stated that she had a boyfriend. I glazed over the subject. I’m not sure if this was sufficient for the challenge but given her reaction it must have been clear to her that I liked her.

She finished her meal, thanked me for the chat and went to leave. I went for a number close – she declined saying her boyfriend was a psycho. I settled for a facebook friend. We exchanged names and went on our separate ways. Job done.

It’s clear that I have confidence to do the challenges but currently lack whatever factors it takes to seduce girls. The question now is will I be able to approach girls on my own accord and not rely of the direction of the tasks.

Only 3 more days of the challenge left – perhaps I will have to repeat the whole thing again in future – But it’s been an tiresome and enduring 17 days so far- I’m not sure id ever want to do it all again. What am I missing? Surely I should be 80% of the way there by now and yet somehow I feel I have a much longer journey ahead of me.

Hmm.. enjoy the bad times, without them there wouldn’t be any good times. I have to push through!