Friday 8th August 2008
18th Challenge: Today approach girls, state your sexual interest and ask them out for a drink. “hi, I think you are attractive, would you like to go for a coffee”. If you can make the date today then do so. Keep going till you get a yes or you’ve approached 60. Alternative: approach min 30.
This challenge was a lot harder than I previously imagined. After all, in my opinion there’s not much difference between stating interest before asking them out and implying interest like on day 15 by simply asking them out.
Made moves toward LSQ. This has now become a standard place to run these challenges – there are lots of people and lots of other areas with lots of people in easy reach.
Yet, I managed to do a full circle of Leicester square and a further walk down Piccadilly Circus and back to LSQ before I made my first approach. There were a fair few single girls but somehow fear had gripped me.
I ran over the standard suggested line in my head over and over:
“hi I think you are attractive, would you like to go for a coffee?”
At one point images of violent reactions from girls entered my thoughts- It’s a good thing they had us work on our feeling of fear and excitement. I created my own pleasant images to associated with my current emotional state.
I decided as soon as I hit LSQ again I’d approach the first singleton I’d see. Let two more walk by… WTF!?
OK, I’d better approach one before I cross the square again or it’s all over! I knew after I did one approach I could build momentum and slowly slowly I’d get to 30.
Approached a woman heading in the opposite direction. She kept walking and I was having to talk whilst following her. She smiled but declined.
Next, a cute Italian leaflet distributor; her English was poor and she didn’t understand me. So I gesticulated how I found her attractive and asked would she like to go for coffee. She understood now and declined.
Third girl I approached was from the Netherlands and only here for the weekend – didn’t have facebook either as they used something else over there. She was happy and surprised by my proposal but given logistics it couldn’t work.
I walked a fair distance before I approached another girl. She also declined.
Now I was in Covent Garden. Many girls were in groups or couples. I found it near impossible to approach them. They would be a last resort.
I walked around Covent Garden square a couple of times. Admit-tingly there were a few girls I let walk by but some I didn’t find attractive so that was fine.
I headed back around the square toward the station. I saw a cute petite dark haired girl walking with her head down looking at her phone. I let her walk by as I continued around the square for my second time. I stopped myself. I had to approach her – even if she looked glum and previous challenges has proven that glum girls always rejected me and always rejected me in that a glum faced manner.
She was heading up toward Covent Garden station. I doubled back on myself and walked up to the station with a plan to overtake her then loop around. I find it easier to approach from the front.
I stopped her and said the line. She was French and didn’t understand but luckily, I know a little French – so, again, with some gesticulation I expressed how I found her attractive and asked if she would like to go for a coffee sometime.
She laughed and agreed. YES!? I was shocked!
I went to get her number but alas once again she was only in UK for the weekend – that phone she was holding she borrowed from her friend. So I settled for having the date there and then. Insta-times.
It was an interesting time with the difficult communication. Her English was poor and my French was doubly crap.
We sat for coffee then later walked till we reached Trafalgar sq where we sat for ages talking in our difficult way. Gestures and over the top expressions were in play. We spent about two hours together yet I struggled with escalating the situation.
I felt hindered as the past days of the challenge with simple one liner tasks had left me devoid of social understanding. I wanted to kiss her but didn’t know how to make it happen! Still lacked the skill. Sucks… She was really cute! On the plus side she wanted to meet me again tomorrow however I have a big day of challenge in store.
Part of me felt I should have quit the insta-date and done more approaches but I spent most of the evening with her and had to rush home after. Mixed emotions as I feel I should have done more yet I was surprised that I got a date after only 5 approaches. OK, I should acknowledge my achievement more – it was awesome!
Late night thoughts:
I can’t sleep. My mind is trying to digest the past 20 days. It’s kinda sad the challenge has come to an end. Part of me feels I didn’t do enough, another part of me has realises how little I acknowledge my own accomplishments. There’s always more that can be done but lets see how far I’ve come.
I’ve come to realise how much the negative feeling I attach to approaching women and interacting with girls in general – spills over to all areas of my life. It creates a bubble around me. A shelter and shield.
My exterior isn’t totally a façade but at the same time it isn’t fully me. I’m far more comfortable with myself now and there are still a few things I will have to tweak and adjust since I’ve not really been having many real social interactions over the past month in this challenge – it’s all been me acting through someone else’s directions.
But now I’m in a much better position to start experimenting with how I want to be and what works well for me when it comes to seduction and attracting women. Over time I will like to build more ease and confidence around all girls. I don’t feel I have fully achieved my initial goal as I was at loss for conversation when I sat with one hot girl in a coffee shop BUT hey before today I never would have approached her!
Big lesson – let go of the negative and move forwards. I thought I was a really positive person. This programme has shown me areas in my life where I have been hiding behind a positive façade. I am a happy person in general but then I jump into a happy shell when threatened and rather than face up to the need for improvement I just say that all is well. Kinda deluded.
I feel I have been moving towards being more open and emotional of late and this programme has help speed up the progress. Other areas that have surfaced are how I perceive myself in a bad light. In my minds eye I’m often seen as freakish loser that girls will turn their nose up at. It’s just not the case and no experience I’ve ever had has ever shown this – I don’t know where it comes from! But further more why should I care what girls think of me?
I am me.
This is something else to work towards. Acceptance of self. Here’s to the future…
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